In 1991, the rap group Salt ‘N’ Pepa released a track titled ‘Let’s Talk About Sex’. Of course, it was controversial, thus popular; achieving Gold status and peaking at number 13 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart.
While their track mastered the debate about the use and misuse of the act; my intention is to highlight the fact that we as a society don’t actually talk ‘about’ sex in the way that matters. Instead, we talk ‘round about’ it, without having an actual conversation about something that is constantly on our minds, on the news, in movies and in our homes.
There are two reasons I chose this topic as my debut Blog Post. One; I only write about that which I am passionate, and it’s near impossible to discuss this without the throws of passion involved 🙂
By now, most of you would’ve drawn your own conclusion as to the direction this is heading, and most of you would be wrong.
I said there were two reasons. The second, more penetrating, is based on a discussion I recently had with a friend of mine.
We were reminiscing on our youth; rehashing our exploits and conquests, if we knew then what we know now, what or who should and should not have been done; with regrets trending heavily on the side of the shoulds.
While harking back to a particular episode of amorous congress, he mentioned something that I don’t hear very often. Apparently, at some point during a conversation with her, he asked what she liked; meaning, during the actual act, what was her preference.
She sheepishly provided an answer; and, when the time came for horizontal refreshment, he ensured that she received that which she most desired.
This was the moment I decided a discussion on the matter was long in coming.
How many of us have ever asked our prospective hot yoga partner; ‘What’chu Like’ (Da Brat & Tyrese)
To be clear; asking ‘you like that?”, in the midst of making the beast with two backs, doesn’t count; that’s not what this is about.
A lot of us who were nodding yes, might now be shaking our heads no. We spend so much time talking about other things, food, clothes, music, houses, cars, money, even children; but none of us stop to think, am I going to enjoy the sex? Are they?
I think that for most men, there might be some performance anxiety, borne from the need to leave our mark while assaulting with a friendly weapon; one of the many traits instilled in us from birth.
While, with women, the stress might reside in the realm of ‘is this going to last?’, ‘is he worth my time’ or ‘is he the One’.
For both parties, the destination becomes more important than the journey; thus, we sometimes end up not enjoying the trip. And based on more than a few statistics I’ve read, many women don’t even reach the end, having instead to choose a fake stop, just so they can get off the ride.
The two optical illusions above are meant to discern your predisposition. Image 1, is either the side profile of a man in glasses or naked female laying on a rug. Image 2, is either a bent tree with some jagged limbs or a baby in fetal position.
Whatever you saw first may be analysed and broken down to establish your proclivities, underscoring your inner need to fulfil your basest desires at the cost of everything and everyone else; or, maybe you just squinted your eyes.
The point is, we are all different; we see things different, assume different outcomes, jump to different conclusions. It doesn’t make us bad or good, reserved or freaky, it just makes us different. And that’s a good thing; can you imagine if everyone was the same, this place would be boring.
I think it’s worth considering the benefit of research, when one is entering a relationship, regardless of the type; whether one-night stand, blind date, a regular encounter at your favourite spot, that one of you finally decided to take a chance and introduce yourself or a myriad of options that are commonplace today.
Whatever the embryo of the connection, before sliding into it, one should establish; whether brazenly or subtly, the expectations of the other, in every aspect of the coupling. This is the only authentic means of ensuring each member attains maximum satisfaction from the encounter.
And as an added benefit, you’ll save some time. Here’s how; when you posit some form of the question ‘what’s your preference? The answer might be something you’re not comfortable with, not sure you can accomplish or downright vehemently against. Whatever your opposition to their position; you now have the option to stay or go; knowing full well that if you stay, that request might come up again.
By now you’ve noticed certain words being italicized; well, that’s my way of talking ‘round about’ sex.
I’ve been married for almost two decades and I still endeavour to learn what is required of me, not only regarding the probing subject matter, but holistically throughout the relationship.
So, while this post is not intended to be an advocation of marriage, it does intend to improve relationships and marriage is generally accepted as one of it’s ultimate forms.
With that being pronounced, I’d like to leave you with a quote I’ve come up with; culminated from these wonderful years of holy matrimony.
The AIM of marriage is to understand each other
The TRUTH of marriage is that you never will
The GLUE of marriage is that you keep trying
Thanks for cumming by.
Later.