A Shortage of Spies

 

 

When we hear the word spy, for some, images of cold war dead drops and poisoned-tipped canes come to mind. For others, like me, the James Bond theme song goes on repeat; bombshell beauties, with ample bosoms and a curious absence of clothes, dance around our minds.

While this is a topic I could spend hours deliberating on, including who did it best; Sean Connery, by the way, but that’s not the aim of this particular ranting. This is more, shall we say, subtle and local, for me anyway; my readers are all over the world. At least, that’s what I tell myself, so it must be true.

Spies by nature need to be accomplished at two things, lying and keeping secrets, that’s their stock in trade. So, the other side of that would be the truth sayers, which by definition, are “persons who are known for being honest, especially when it goes against the norm”. Edward Snowden or Wikileaks may come to mind as famous truth sayers.

So, the shortage of spies occurs right here in my home country, Jamaica, here’s why.

Several popular songs going back to the 70’s, speak of our; our meaning Jamaican men, ability to maintain several relationships simultaneously, aka, being a gallis. Song’s like Beenie Man’s Old Dog or Merciless’s Ole’ Gallis and Vegas’ Gallis, all extol the prestige of being a gallis.

I mentioned earlier that lying is a must for a spy, and having multiple relationships certainly necessitates being an accomplished liar.

So, Dane, where’s the “shortage” you might ask. Remember, spies need to fulfil two criteria, lying and keeping secrets. They are excellent at one, piss poor at the other.

Do you know the phrase, “If a tree falls in the forest with no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?” This is a philosophical question designed to highlight the effect of something, if it hasn’t been observed.
As it relates to our topic, being a gallis means nothing if no one knows you’re a gallis; translation, some man chat too much.

In comes the shortage.

They’re successfully dating, Dawn, Kim, Annette and her friend Judy, plus her cousin Stephanie. The pride felt in the act of juggling all these relationships is too good to keep to one’s self, so we tell our friend or friends or crew or brother or coworker or all of the above.

What you must understand is that men grew up nurtured by competition; who’s the strongest, who’s the fastest, who’s the smartest. So, naturally that has weaved it’s way into other aspects of their lives, including relationships.
There’s always another goal to achieve, another mountain to climb, and these goals come in a myriad of forms, whether it be money, power and yes, women.

However, unlike money or power, having multiple women is frowned upon in our culture, publicly, so they hide it, at least, from the women; however, they have no problem spilling their guts to the aforementioned list, without a seconds thought that someone may say something to someone who knows someone, who knows one of the women they so proudly bragged about.

Six degrees of separation. Do you know what that is? This means you are only six steps away from anyone else in the world through a series of mutual friends. So, a friend of a friend of a friend. With the proliferation of the internet and especially social media, this chain has been significantly shortened, making it much easier for men to fail at this essential skill of spies.

Bragging leads to exposure, exposure leads to confrontations, confrontations lead to domestic disputes, and we’ve all heard what domestic disputes lead to everyday on the news; the hospital or the morgue.

Some people may be thinking that I’m advocating for monogamy, faithfulness and the like, but that is not my aim today.
My aim is to highlight the fact that, many of the disputes I alluded to earlier ended publicly, only because, in my view, they were revealed publicly; that is, everyone knew. By everyone I mean, friends or coworkers, family and the like.

Being embarrassed privately, is like stubbing your toe in your living room. You scream in pain, curse the offending piece of furniture you swore wasn’t right there a moment ago, then you shake it off and go along your way. When you step outside, no one knows it happened.

Perfect.

Public embarrassment on the other hand, is an entirely different beast, that takes on a life of its own. This is akin to running to catch a bus, tripping and falling, getting splashed by said bus, all in full view of passengers, people at the bus stop, the driver, cars in traffic, and probably some coworkers.

Many power couples separate quietly without the world knowing, at least, not until they choose. Rumours abound regarding the cause, but no one ever really knows, and everyone goes on with their lives. When it’s public, so is the reaction, classic example, Tiger Woods was involved with multiple women and later sought treatment for sex addiction. The entire saga including his divorce, was headline news for months.

It’s the same with non-power couples, just on a more local level. Instead of national media coverage, there might be social media coverage, in the form of friend groups, group chats, email chains and water cooler gossip.
It still hurts the same; therefore, the reaction is the same.
Explosive.
So, here’s the point of my message: Discretion.

In Jamaica, there’s a common practise to urinate in public places, places not designated for such acts; in fact, some places actually have a sign, “Don’t Piss Here”, but we do it anyway. I say we, because I have on occasion had to relieve myself out there; however, and this is important, no one can ever say that they saw me do it.
If you see someone coming from around a corner you know is a dead end, probably adjusting their pants, it’s a safe bet they just urinated, but you can’t say for sure. If you happen to be meeting him later, for the first time, you may think twice before shaking his hand though.
On the other hand, a man standing in full view of the public, relieving himself on an unobstructed light post, leaves no doubt as to what he’s up to; therefore, you won’t even stand next to him, let alone shake his hand.

It’s the same with relationships, you may be pleasant with everyone, flirty even, but no one has ever seen you in a compromising position which only leaves speculation, with no actual evidence you are involved in anything untoward.
While some men take their conquests home with them, literally, oftentimes in the same bed shared with their significant other.
That’s just disrespectful. There’s an entire sub-sector of the hospitality industry dedicated to the achievement of horizontal refreshment outside an established relationship.

Back road springs to mind.

Bottom line, have some respect for your significant other, not everything needs to be broadcast, and not everyone you call your best friend, considers you their best friend; they have someone else for that.

Once again, this post is not about commitment or the sanctity of marriage, this is about restraint and respect.
As the saying goes, “if the fish kept his mouth shut, it wouldn’t get hooked.” So, men, shut unno mouth.

By the way, though I’ve written this about men, and from a male perspective, and while men are said to be in the majority of perpetrators as it relates to infidelity; please note, they do not hold a monopoly on neither infidelity nor indiscretion.
So, this is an equal opportunity post and should be read as such.

Bye.

 

Thanks for indulging my ramblings. If you enjoyed my deliberations, be sure to check out my thriller novels The Martial Art and On Jamaica Government Service on various platforms. They’re available in eBook, Paperback and Hardcover, and Audiobooks coming soon.

However, if you’re having commitment issues, check out my FREE short story, The Martial Art Origins: Severance, available as a free download.

Keep Reading. Cheers.

Dane