Two weeks ago, I wrote a post entitled, For Give and Forget, where I discussed the joy of giving without expecting anything in return. I deliberately focused on one side of this argument because I didn’t want to cause confusion with my message, so, consider this the other side of the equation.
There are times in our lives when we have a revelation or an epiphany about our relationships, about the people in our lives and about the value they have to you and conversely, your value to them.
Now, this is not about giving or gifting, this is about you being there when someone needs you, about being that shoulder to cry on, that listening ear; however, the revelation or epiphany occurs when you realise that the relationship is one-sided; you either keep your problems, issues or situations to yourself and work them out, or, you have to call on someone else’s shoulder, because the other is nowhere to be found.
This goes back to the understanding that, the person you call your best friend, doesn’t necessarily consider you their best friend; they’ve got someone else for that.
So, the choice now becomes, do you stay in that relationship, and if so, how much of yourself should you continue to give? What measurement can be used to balance your interactions with them? Is there a scale? You did three things, so they need to do three as well?
I guess it comes down to your time and your piece of mind; how much you’re willing to accept, to let slide; how many times you say, ‘that’s how they are’.
There’s a popular saying attributed to Mark Twain that goes:
‘Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option’.
In other words, strive for balance, and the best way to achieve this balance, in my opinion, is to test the relationship.
I came up with a saying which provides a simple instruction for just such an occasion:
‘When you want to know if what you’re doing makes a difference, STOP DOING IT!!’
This is how you’ll ascertain your value to them.
Here’s a scenario:
You work in an office and every morning, you toot your horn at the security by the gate, you wave to the staff at the reception desk and cordially issue general salutations to those you meet on your way to your desk; however, before going there, you stop by your ‘friend’s’ desk and you chat for five minutes, giving jokes and discussing last night’s news; that’s your daily routine.
Now, as life often does, it throws you a curve-ball, one that puts you out of commission for two-weeks, that means, an unplanned absence.
Of all the people in the above scenario, who do you think is the most likely to be concerned by your sudden AWOL, the five-minute ‘friend’, right?
No, no, that’s what happens in a perfect world, in an imperfect world, the one we live in, it’s the security guard, or the receptionist or any of the other receivers of greetings you encounter daily, that wonder about your absence, that seek to find out where you are and if you’re okay, but the five-minute ‘friend’, the one that actually has your number, didn’t even bother to call and check on you, they just continued with their life, because they had other options.
Though this situation may be an extreme example, I referenced it to highlight the need for self-assessment as well as relationship testing; we need to understand the role we play in people’s lives and vice-versa; don’t assume that someone is going to be there for you, that’s something you need to know without question or reservation.
Anyway, I’m just simply saying be careful out there, don’t leave yourself exposed and vulnerable, and most of all, find out if you are genuinely Appreciated or merely Tolerated, this is not something you want to find out in times of trouble.
Later.
Thanks for indulging my ramblings. If you enjoyed my deliberations, be sure to check out my thriller novels The Martial Art and On Jamaica Government Service on various platforms. They’re available in eBook, Paperback and Hardcover, and Audiobooks coming soon.
However, if you’re having commitment issues, check out my FREE short story, The Martial Art Origins: Severance, available as a free download.
You can explore my site for more interesting content.
Keep Reading. Cheers.
Dane